I cry a lot when I read this book. I tend to do that... being an emotional "typical woman." (said with a hint of sarcasm and irony)
My copy of this text is becoming very messy with highlighting and sticky notes as I see truth after truth written in black and white. Despite having the assignment of blogging in a scholarly tone, I have a great deal of difficulty stepping back to be objective about this work. It is like reading an autobiography and a biography of my friends simultaneously. I can see the life positions of so many women that I know in this writing and I hurt with the growing pains that we have all endured.
The constructivist position is where I am in my life. Knowledge is accumulated and layered in fine sheets of experience, woven with filliments that can barely be perceived, yet it forms the fabric of my life. Examining the context of life is where the truth can be found, and each of us has our own perspective and context. There are general trends, but as we peer closely, each word, interaction, success or failure determines if we have learned and grown from the experience. Yet, if we still live and breathe, then of course, we have learned and evolved and added to our weaving and life.
I visited with a wonderful therapist for many months in order to gain a perspective on the connections in my own experience... what part my family played, and my friends, my past, my present, my own head and heart and mind. I was so lost in trying to pull it all together, that I felt myself coming apart.
My ex-husband was a man who talked and talked and never listened. As mentioned in this writing, I was a woman who had no voice. I even said that to my counselor. "He does not hear me, " I said to her once.
On page 137 there is a comment that I liked. "All knowledge is constructed, and the knower is an intimate part of the known" (emphasis in the original).
Later the authors write, "Somebody can be an expert, but if they do not articulate what they've learned, then that renders their knowledge usless if they can't share it with other people" (p. 145).
And, good readers, that is where I am stuck, for to me the awarenesses and experiences in my life are so intertwined with my innermost self, I can hardly bring myself to reveal this intimacy in a general fashion. That sums up my blogging mental block!
I hold this material so closely to my soul, and that makes it very difficult to step back in an objective manner and write about it. My mental awareness of this truth is so completely entwined with the emotional and physical experiences of my life, that my own voice is challenged to speak freely.
Ah, me... I am a constructed woman. This Master's degree program is part of my journey to share that construction with those of you that I journey along with. I will have to work on putting words to my knowledge.
Thanks! for sharing the intricacies of your reading!
ReplyDeleteI am reading Mentor and in chapter 5 he references a book by Carol Gilligan "In a Different Voice" where she states that the male vision is of "hierarchy of power" and women view the world as "a web of relationships", where it is more important to be "part of a fabric of interconnecfted associations". This simply stood out to me after I read your post.
And how much do we make these considerations in reference to gender and students.
Very interesting book, I like the way that you desccribed your own life as a journey.
ReplyDeleteI second that idea. I have always said that we can lie to everyone else but ourselves. We are the arquitects of our lives, no one else will care to build the safes foundations but ourselves.
We are a constant construction project, we need always to make sure that everything in on position, or our building will fall on our eyes,
Your post was beautifully shared and I think you articulated more than you realize. I wonder too if part of your struggle is similar to Kegan's upward spiral (from "Mentor" as well) that moves between internal and external. I know for me, as I process things that are deeply personal and intimate and am looking for those connections in those internal places, I am at a loss during that season to really articulate to others, nor do I wish to in any great depth. But as I have moved into a season of "reaching out" as Kegan describes it, I find that many of those connections that seemed frail before have stronger threads such that I can express and bring a newfound confidence to my voice in those areas.
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